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Random (not even Stochastic) Thought: On Flaming, or Why The Internet is Hilarious

This is a total aside, but I got my first true flame today. I’m not going to dignify this person by naming them or ever letting them post on my blog again, but I do want to point out by example why maybe, just maybe, you should be careful about how you post on the internet. The piece that follows is a sheer self-indulgence that you’re probably not going to be interested in. I make no claims whatsoever about its quality or value, but it made me smile. Details within.

This is what an unnamed genius wrote as a comment to my 17th and final day with Assassin’s Creed 2:

“Wow. First off, your absolutely retarded. Its spelled awesome. Second, are you really unable to keep track of who’s who? Lucy’s been part of this game since the start. You clearly have no idea what goes on here. And third, you suck at this game. I mean absolutely brutal. Do you mean to tell me it took you 17 days to beet this? Of course I wasn’t surprised when I read how often you lost. I got through this game, all achievements and everything in a week. Plus I don’t play a lot. If your going to document your video game explorations, get good at them first and save yourself the embarrassment. Seriously, stop.”

Okay, line by line, here we go. All references to “you” that follow represent the author of the above comment.

“Wow. First off, your absolutely retarded. Its spelled awesome.”

This sentence is so hilarious I almost wept when I saw it. Yes, I know the proper spelling of awesome. OSSIM is LOLCatz slang. I use it ironically. Of course, it’s also spelled “you’re” as in “you are.” So the proper way to say it is “you are absolutely retarded” which I think your grammar proficiency demonstrates for itself.  And when you mean “it is” it’s spelled “it’s.” And don’t even get me started on the verbal elegance of “first off” as a transition.

Did I mention that I taught grammar for something like seven years?

“Second, are you really unable to keep track of who’s who? Lucy’s been part of this game since the start. You clearly have no idea what goes on here.”

For parallelism, shouldn’t that be “second off?”

Pro tip: Read before you write. I said in the very first post that I didn’t play AC1. And that the modern story is so bland I barely paid attention to it. In that way, I emulated you.

“And third, you suck at this game. I mean absolutely brutal. Do you mean to tell me it took you 17 days to beet this? Of course I wasn’t surprised when I read how often you lost. I got through this game, all achievements and everything in a week. Plus I don’t play a lot. If your going to document your video game explorations, get good at them first and save yourself the embarrassment.”

No, it did not take me 17 days to turn the game into a red root vegetable. It took me 17 days to BEAT it.

I’m proud of you that you finished the game in a week. I’ll point out that I played for maybe an hour a day. That’s about 17 hours while hunting down achievements. I’m fine with that level of success, however “brutal” it may be. And anyway, if you read my FAQ, you will know that I do suck at many of these games.  Blog is not an expert play manual. Blog is an honest opinion, warts and all.

“Seriously, stop.”

Nope, that’s what this is what it’s all about. Troll on your blog. Trash me there to high heaven. But this is my sandbox, and I build whatever flawed castles I want.  Trolls don’t get to play here.  I welcome disagreement and debate. Juvenile mud-throwing has many homes on the internet, but mine is not one of them.

Thank you for the laugh. I love when people prove their incompetence by the very act of trying to appear competent. Great way to end the evening.

Posted in Rant.


One Response

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  1. Alix says

    My favorite thing is when people correct someone, only to display their own beautifully human grammar and spelling. It makes me chuckle, or occasionally facepalm 😛



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